Attachment Trauma & IFS-informed EMDR
Despite trying to focus on the present, you often find yourself dwelling on painful past events from your childhood or relationships. It can even feel like you are reliving these incidents. These past events can be so much a part of your present that they can affect your self-esteem and current relationships. You are desperate to move on from your childhood or past relationships and for your past to no longer hold you prisoner.
You lack trust in yourself, others or the world in general. You find yourself feeling hopeless that you can be free from the past and have the life you dream of. The anxiety and fear that come with putting yourself out there, keep you stuck and isolated.
Despite efforts otherwise, you find yourself continuing the cycle of your wants and needs not being met. You have attracted others who are emotionally unavailable, inconsiderate or even abusive. If you’ve gone through childhood or relationship trauma, it’s important to know that these struggles are common and normal responses to such challenging experiences.
But there is hope…
Through trauma therapy, you can find relief from the past and step more into your present and future. Although it may be hard to imagine right now, it’s possible to heal from childhood and relationship trauma. In turn, it’s possible to feel more secure in your relationships and not be waiting for whenever your partner is going to disappoint you, reject you or abandon you. You can feel better about yourself, open up more to others, and get your wants and needs met. You can have a fulfilling relationship that leaves you feeling whole rather than empty and on your own.
It’s entirely possible to carry such challenging past experiences with you while ensuring they do not consume your every thought and action. You can learn to live in harmony with all the parts of yourself, offering care and compassion to the wounded aspects of yourself without feeling the overwhelming need to push them away or ignore their existence. Relief is truly within reach, and it’s possible to reclaim your sense of wholeness and resilience.
FAQ
Those experiences are in the past, why do they affect me so much?
Trauma experienced through our relationships with caregivers and romantic partners leaves a profound impact on us. Such trauma can affect our ability to trust, be vulnerable and give and receive love. As social beings we have a fundamental human need for connection to others. This is part of what can make experiencing childhood and relationship trauma so impactful on your life. You cannot completely avoid your need for connection and acceptance, so you are left to repeatedly be exposed to scenarios that may trigger you to think of the past trauma you have experienced.
What is Trauma Therapy and how will it help me?
The specific trauma therapy I use most often with clients is Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR is a powerful type of therapy that can help with healing from trauma, working through negative core beliefs, and processing distressing life events. Just as construction or accidents disrupt traffic flow on Interstate 465, traumatic memories or upsetting life events create blocks in our brains. The process of EMDR helps clear out those blocks, allowing healing to occur much like traffic flow improves once the road is clear.
How does it work?
At the heart of EMDR therapy is bilateral stimulation, engaging both sides of the brain to process memories and events similarly to REM sleep. Have you ever gained clarity and felt better about a situation after a good night’s sleep? This likely isn’t just because you got rest—it’s because of how bilateral eye movements during sleep aid in processing thoughts, feelings, and events.
During sessions, I stimulate both sides of the brain by using hand movements that clients follow back and forth with their eyes. For virtual appointments, I tend to use this website and have clients follow a dot on their screen, which I control the pace of on my end. Through bilateral stimulation and the corresponding interventions I do, clients are often able to decrease the level of distress they associate with certain thoughts and events while also increasing the level they truly believe in more positive or adaptive thoughts. This shift can cause profound relief. For more information regarding the process of EMDR, I encourage you to visit the EMDR Consulting website here.
Okay, but does that actually work?
I have personally experienced and witnessed for my clients how EMDR helps break the grip of trauma-based negative thought patterns that have existed for YEARS.
Imagine believing you are enough, you are lovable and you matter at your core. This may be difficult to wrap your head around right now, but I know such changes in how one sees themselves can happen through the use of EMDR. EMDR can also help you with things like struggles trusting others, issues with having boundaries and fear of intimacy.
With EMDR, you don’t just hear affirmations from an external source; instead, you unearth these truths from within yourself. You possess the innate wisdom to find these answers, and EMDR simply guides you to unlock them. There’s no need for external persuasion—deep down, you already hold the key to your own healing and transformation.
I’ve been through so much already and don’t want to have to relive it. Can therapy still help me?
Thankfully EMDR therapy does not require you to share every detail of difficult events from your past in order for you to have healing from them. I’m happy to discuss further with you how this works and what it can look like.
Do I have to do EMDR? Can I change my mind if I initially agreed to do EMDR?
In my practice, I place a strong emphasis on transparency and empowerment throughout the therapeutic journey, particularly when it comes to EMDR therapy. Before initiating any therapy, including EMDR, I ensure that you are fully informed about the process, its potential benefits, and any associated risks.
Your consent, autonomy, and emotional well-being are paramount. You have the right to navigate your healing journey at a pace that feels emotionally safe and comfortable for you. Therefore, you maintain the ability to revoke consent for EMDR therapy, or any other approach I may suggest, at any time. This could involve pausing during a session, taking a break for several sessions, or deciding not to continue with EMDR therapy for the remainder of our work together.
While I am committed to offering guidance and support, I deeply respect your decisions regarding your therapeutic path. Whether you choose to engage in a specific therapy approach or not, I will continue to provide recommendations and support your progress with warmth and understanding.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) or parts work therapy and how does it make EMDR more effective?
Our minds can be creative with how they try to protect us from experiencing emotional pain. This can involve things like compartmentalizing traumatic events, emotional numbing, and disassociating. These protections can also be barriers to connecting with the parts of us that are hurting and could benefit from healing. Through working with an EMDR therapist who is also trained in IFS, your protector parts will be heard, respected and validated. These are crucial steps for your protector parts to feel even briefly safe enough to step aside and allow access to your parts that are hurting and frozen in a traumatic or upsetting period of your life. Access to these parts on some level is necessary for the relief you are likely hoping for. The process of IFS alone can lead to profound healing resulting in your core Self and your parts working together and coexisting peacefully like you may have never thought possible. Through doing both IFS and EMDR, you are that much more likely to experience relief, healing, and transformation. For more information on IFS visit, the IFS Institute’s website here.
If you have any questions about my approach or whether IFS and/or EMDR therapy may align with your needs, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Your comfort and confidence in the therapeutic process are always my top priorities.
